Some restaurants try to act fancy even though they actually tend to annoy me. Instead of complaining to the restaurants individually, I've made a list of some characteristics of restaurants I like, and some I don't like. I've made it public, for everyone's education.
Since I'm not a duke or a anthropology student, I had to make stuff up. If you disagree, you can comment or write your own counter point blog post. Oh, and for the record, most of my favorite places to eat lose points on some of these. I still love you.
- Fancy: What kind of ice is that in my iced tea? Oh, frozen tea!
- Not Fancy: Valet parking instead of parking.
- Fancy: Presenting different dishes on different plates, boards, trays.
- Not Fancy: Wasting food.
- Fancy: Glasses to match the style of beer.
- Not Fancy: No local beer on tap.
- Fancy: Desserts invented by an imaginative pastry chef.
- Not Fancy: Sysco desserts, or clones of Sysco desserts.
- Fancy: A quiet space where you can converse at normal levels.
- Not Fancy: Loud music.
- Fancy: Silverware without food crusted to it.
- Not Fancy: Making a big deal about cleaning up the crumbs I made. Sorry about the crumbs, dude.
- Fancy: One special of the day with a good story.
- Not Fancy: A mumbled list of eight specials.
- Fancy: The chef visits the table to say hello.
- Not Fancy: Nobody ever sees the chef.
- Fancy: The chef sends a small dish to your table.
- Not Fancy: The bread basked sits empty for ten minutes before the food arrives.
- Fancy: A clean, well lit bathroom.
- Not Fancy: A warm, humid bathroom with graffiti and peeling paint. Is this sixth street?
- Fancy: Explaining and describing the dish as it arrives to the table.
- Not Fancy: A water glass filled every time the water is a half inch below the top. Sometimes I haven't even touched it and you added more water.
- Fancy: A water glass that is never empty.
- Not Fancy: I have to ask to find the restrooms.
- Fancy: Friendly staff who act like they want to talk to me.
- Not Fancy: A dining room so dark I can't tell what color my food is.
- Fancy: Showmanship. If you set something on fire, I'll love you forever.
What do you think? Does anybody actually like valet parking?